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FatherI don't understand why he takes care of me
I am a burden and a mess
that goes from place to place
hurting and dumping her baggage on everything around her
I have disappointed him in so many ways
forgive me, daddy.
What ifWhat if I can't do this?
What if I can't grow?
because I'm so afraid
that I can't function
without someone to take care of.
I don't know how to want to better myself
it's a shaking that comes upon me
earth-breaking and lonely
breath comes hard
and softly goes my heart
because I'm tired
and I'm not even sure I know how to try
IncensedI don't know how not to be angry.
it's the safest thing to be
when you don't know
and when you feel a friend leaves you, deceives you
and everyone tells you this is so
I don't know
so I get angry
For a few moments, I do want to die
because I've not felt this way in such a long time
never the rage
never the hatred
I always feel that I must go on the offensive
that words and silence aren't enough
I want to squeeze that white white neck
or break those wiry arms...
But I am taught to be civilized now.
To be patient and wait
while my family
and my heart screams for blood
so I can't talk.
I can't even be around- I make mistakes
and stumble over myself.
I can't be eloquent
in this situation.
I don't know how to not be angry.
inspiringhe is inspiring
never have I heard of anyone
who snatches the air from my lungs as he does
who thrills me with the vivacity
like he can
as I heard each breath, shaking with the intensity
of his words
rolling in his mouth as rocks do
tumbling into my ears
with all the grace and noise and energy of puppies
I am swept away
I take joy in them, these messy words
cut and sown together
like Joseph's coat of many colors
there's beauty in it
i am one of you
I can hear his conviction
rattling like a cough in his chest
he sounds feverish
and his fervor is a strength
tongue lapping up the attention of his listeners
slamming doorsEvery time I hear them argue,
a chill (just a shiver) runs down my spine.
And every time I see anger
in their eyes,
I am a child again
I prepare myself - just a little -
for their voices, raw and strained, barraging my eardrums
for the thud of objects thrown
(although, sometimes they're only punches)
cocooned in blankets, locked in my room
I remember my father's impassive face,
the rage in my mother's words
the realization that my sister and I
will grow up to become them
Every time I hear them argue
I am afraid.
VaninYou speak a language
that I don't
it is heavy and thick
resounding from your chest
words forming in your throat
it has no rules,
but easily understood by those born
as you were
You speak a language that is harsh on the ears
and soft on the lips,
the syllables rough and
'round your tongue
you speak of ugliness and of suffering
in a clipped and angry tone
it's still so beautiful
when you speak
I feel that I knew you
before I knew you.
You were in my words and my thoughts.
You were hard to understand, at first,
but I grasped at you.
I began to know you
as no other has known you before.
and, even though knowing you
has changed all that i had known before
I don't regret you.
She wears a red hat.She wears a red hat, a small cap, the only piece of color in her grey world. A breeze snapped at her face, her bangs stirring. She kept her slightly curling black hair braided, over her shoulder where so that it couldn't trouble her. She sighed as her boots kicked and splashed in the puddle.
The park was where the girl in the red hat always went when she felt that she was unable to cope; sometimes it was hard to live with her mother. The woman had grown steadily more resentful of the man who had left her - resentful of his new wife, his new child, his new happiness.... But the girl paid this no mind. She knew the man loved her still, in his own way, but could not bear to stay any longer. She had long since accepted this fact - understood it.
Sometimes she would meet the man in this park without her mother's knowing. The two of them would sit together on a park bench in silence, enjoying the day and a hot hoagie for lunch - or take walks down the well-trod path. He never had been one fo
Tell youI'm afraid to tell you
because I love you so much
I don't want you to be disgusted
it wasn't my fault that it happened
so long ago
I don't want to have to tell you
to turn off your sense of humor,
to spare my feelings-
to tip-toe around the tender spots in my heart.
I just wanted to be okay
and I told you that I was
so that we could get on with our lives
and forget the past...
but you never forget
so, how could I tell you
that I'm still hurting?
I AmI am single,
but I am loved.
I am not a genius,
but I am intelligent.
I am not breathtaking,
but I have beauty.
I am not a saint,
but I am kind.
To the world,
I am not perfect.
But for someone,
Two Years LaterShe asked him gently, “Do you love me?”
In his long silence, she found closure,
And left her love under a willow tree.
lung canceri will die with your name on my lips
because there is nothing else i'll need to say.
you are my coffin, my funeral pyre.
as my bones disintegrate, popping and snapping,
you will greedily swallow my ashes
until nothing is left of me but secondhand smoke.
i've danced with you, love, across hospital tile,
the scent of antiseptic cloying as valentine's chocolate.
you dipped me into unconsciousness,
and i willingly closed my eyes.
the intrusion of your scalpel teeth no longer scares me.
you, my rigor mortis soul mate, always take me under.
your tent of frostbitten shelter pulls me down, an anchor,
while i gag on pills too abstract to save me.
forgive me, lungs, of my cigarette abuse,
but i've found happiness in a reaper's cloak.
i find comfort in these carcinogens.
i've made my nest in a swaying tree,
my body destroyed by the nauseous rocking.
they smile at me with pity in their eyes,
scribbling nonsense on those jaw-like clipboards.
their crisp, stark white world still has faith in me,
you've been dead for a year, my deari met you on december 21st,
the longest night of the year.
you had solstice eyes: cold, dark, alluring.
i knew you were not meant to last,
powerful as a gale but fragile as
the tulip stems you snapped,
a sickening cycle of you,
an overwhelming tidal wave.
they say two wrongs will never make a right,
but i made so many bad choices that
i wound up back where I began.
it was too easy to love you,
but getting you to love me back was impossible.
i clawed at your chest until I struck blood,
until my nails split into shards.
you were born a phantom,
and i, your corpse.
holding onto you felt like drowning in quicksand;
i fought but always sank into your arms.
i breathed in dirt, breathed in dust, and
found my organs choked with you,
smothered by your existence.
you sucked out my breath
every time i kissed you.
i died every day with your hand
knotted in my hair.
You left on june 21st,
the longest day of the year.
i bit down sorrow and deconstructed
the labyrinth within me,
the one you hadn't th
I give upSometimes
I try so hard to change for people
Do what they want,
Listen to their critiques,
Try to be a good friend..
But you know?
Everyone makes mistakes,
is not perfect,
is tired and stressed and slips,
It is never good enough,
no matter what I do,
nobody ever sees what I changed,
everybody always only sees my faults.
I get criticised for what I did wrong,
but never acknowledged for what I changed,
I give up.
I don't have the energy anymore,
to always justify myself,
to always go up and be the one,
that is bad,
to always be the one,
Sometimes I think I'm better off without anyone...
Eye of the StormI believed I could make the wind blow,
and force the moon to shine at night,
create rainbows just by thinking,
and hold tea parties for fairies in July,
I was the queen of my own graceful lands.
Yet, I grew old and realized,
I am the kind of girl who'd trip and fall,
often for stepping on her own feet.
My crown of diamond and gold
now a rusted piece of bronze,
I lost my throne to treason, my kingdom to hate,
I became the eye of a hurricane,
loaded with mishaps I need to atone.
I felt the soft touches of angels,
and lost my own wings to demons who could crush stone.
Felt the scorching tears run so often,
I knew I must have hit bottom low.
I had nothing holy, no one to call dear,
but here I am, the starting point of my own storm.
I felt fear, clung to shadows,
encased my heart within marble walls,
and threw the keys that can unlock my soul.
So many chances I've lost with no love to seek,
and so many people I turned my back to.
I let the darkness gnaw through my bones.
A stranger walked up to me today...A man walked up to me and asked me for a cigarette… I told him I didn't smoke anymore, and he asked me why? ––I answered "because the person I used to smoke with, isn't around anymore", and he replied…"that's why I smoke."
A woman walked up to me and asked me for drugs, I replied "I have several in store…his eyes, his smile, his hands"…she whispered, "that's not a drug"…and I laughed as I said.. "if only you knew."
A child walked up to me today and asked me to play a game, I told them I was too tired to play games, i'd been playing for years, they replied…"then you must be a pro!", to which I said "yes…a pro at losing."
An old woman stared at me today, and I asked her…"is something wrong?" she answered "I was about to ask you the same question."
© Rocio Belinda Mendez
Blowing a featherThe way she blows this feather
All of them screw their knees,
Falling for her.
Blessed by a blue-eyed breeze
All of them crave an eternal embrace.
Gardens of golden flowers
Reflected stars on the water's surface
So many gifts she justly deserves
The rose-coloured feather,
Gift from heavens,
Brings daylight to a sinner
She's an angel without wings
slight cause for concernthe amount of inspiration
and the expression of my voice
has, as far as I can recall, been only pain
as the source of my creation
I don't want that anymore
but I worry "Will I be able to produce a work of art
without pain, or an unfounded ache within my soul?"
Pretentious words, effervescing -
skittish - up my throat
and I choke on feelings unfamiliar
Happiness, actual joy, has visited me
and, not able to handle it,
I shun the feeling
just to retreat inside myself
where there is only darkness
Oddly enough...that isn't me,
there in the cold, all alone.
Loosing the self-produced bonds 'round my neck:
I can breathe
and smile again.
And let myself feel safe once more...
Dreams of realityA pair of eyes;
Open and stare through the lights,
Into the darkness of doom.
And yet they smile,
Yet they smile.
A drop of tear;
Seeps through the garden of death;
Falls to the mortal soil.
Dreams and desires will blend again,
To render the roses alive.
I am floating through a vision.
Like ripples, floating through the pond of life.
Can reality be so real?
Let me drown again,
Into the silence of familiar noise.
As I wander through the lanes of reason and passion.
The flame of hope burns bright,
Drenched in the colors of freedom.
So let my dreams unravel my soul,
As darkness fades away;
And let mortality draw me closer to destiny.
As these pair of eyes,
Open to stare through the lights again.
Is this reality?
Can reality be so real?
Time passes by, as the eyes keep staring;
Staring at the distant lights;
Staring beyond the distant skies.
What do they see?
What do they long?
What do they desire?
Then the skies will break down;
White lightning striking the dreamy clouds.
Moments will tur
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^Nyx-Valentine arrived in our community and started whipping everyone into a frenzy with her relentless desire to bring the Artistic Nude and Fetish galleries to the fore. 9 years later, and it's safe to say that Nyx is not only a leader as a photographer in these galleries, but she has also established herself as a much saught after model. ^... Read More